Lady In the Wilderness: Top 10 Benefits of a Breakup!
by Sabrina Sainthilaire- Lady In The Wilderness
Breakups are hard…to stay encouraged is even harder.
Even if for the right reasons, a breakup can leave you lonely, empty, and thrown entirely out of your comfort zone. As well as we know, it is important to be strong but this question begs concern – why can’t breakups be easy? Like a pleasant conversation in the park and a farewell before dark.
Yeah…I know, wishful thinking. However, what this breakup has brought me was a learning experience.
What are the benefits of leaving a time invested relationship that seems to be showing red flags in the beginning, in the middle, or in the end – BEFOREMARRIAGE?
Well… here are 10 reasons
1. Know that it is OK to discover your likes and dislikes
Dating is dating, it is getting to know someone. You can become attracted to a person right off but it is what you learn about a person that will keep you attracted. Do you like his personality, the way he makes you feel, the way he smells, the way he interacts with your friends, family, and so-on. Is he a good fit for your lifestyle? Do you want a man that doesn’t believe in going to church while you never miss a church-call? And yes, I mentioned the way they smell. There is a science behind it but I’m not expert so…. yeah.
2. You will relieve yourself of a burden that is not yours to carry
Women tend to be fixers, well most women in my circle are. We feel obligated to hang about until our partner gets himself together. Well…dear, before he puts himself out there to date he should already have had himself together. So, gather your things because you have enough of your own to worry about.
What does having himself together consist of?
He should be available mentally, emotionally, and physically. Legally, he should not be working on a divorce or separated and financially ready to take on a relationship – if he is not these, he will subconsciously rely on you to fix those things for him; thus, you will end up being a recipient of said insecurities or worse – BROKE!
3. You will build your self-esteem and self-confidence
Hanging around a relationship waiting for the tables to turn in your favor is toxic. It depreciates your mental state and lowers your self- esteem and self-confidence. Maybe you feel that you can’t do better than who you’re with, maybe the partners lack of willingness to change at your desired hast makes you feel unworthy, or maybe you have given up on yourself. It indicates that you do not know the value of your worth, therefore, will be treated as such. Whether you already feel good about yourself or not – leaving will always give you a boost in this area because you will know (even if you don’t feel) that you DESERVE better than what he/she is offering you.
4. You save face
It is always better to end things when you discover something that you cannot tolerate rather than letting it fester. This requires some work on your end though…you must know your deal-breakers BEFORE you pursue a relationship. You don’t want to end up ruining your mascara over something that you knew you could not tolerate from the beginning. DO NOT SETTLE, if you do not like it then this is the phase that you can leave it behind.
5. Practice makes perfect!
What if it is you that completely jacked up this go ‘round? Hmm… bet we weren’t expecting this one, but it’s cool! Now we know what not to do in the future, yet, that’s only if you don’t let guilt keep you there. Yes, you screwed up…. but…No, I don’t owe you my life because of it. If you are still in the dating phase don’t be in such a hurry to try and tackle problems as if you were a couple. This brings me to my next point…
6. It helps you to avoid premature relationships
I snicker at couples who have only been together a couple of months and they have full access to one another’s phones, cars, bank accounts, social security numbers… These things will come with time in engagement and marriage. Yet, people are so anxious to jump into a relationship that when they get to know the person outside of all the distractions they are dumbfounded to discover that they don’t have anything in common with their partner. By then you have attached yourself to these materialistic things and you are stuck unable to process how you managed end up where you are. The granting of the full access pass initially should be its own red flag. Yes, I love to be spoiled too…spend it all on me baby- but don’t come off too strong. It peaks curiosity and usually means that you are hiding something.
7. You learn how to make authoritative or “BOSS” decisions concerning your life
Yes, BOSS, decisions.
The hardest things are ending something that was once good because you foresee an oncoming disaster. But then when you end it, it’s like the close of a deal. There is no going back and you own the decision. You own it because you invested positively into your future – pat yourself on the back and strike a boss stance because you have closed the deal in your favor.
8. It will give you the chance to pick up a new hobby
Leaving a relationship will leave the time that you spent with that person vacant. So, this is the perfect time to pick up a new hobby! Exercising and going to the gym should be everyone’s favorite! However, you can learn to knit, grow a garden, thrift shop, volunteer start a small business, work towards a promotion, or become president (I’m sure they’ll be hiring soon!)
A breakup always spins off the time to truly reflect on the person that you have become. Maybe the relationship made you bitter, tired, depressed, overweight…etcetera. Therefore, it’s time to pick ourselves back up again. Build on a better you…. discover more of what you like (do you like your eggs scrambled, poached, or fried – Favorite film Runaway Bride ), do things for your health, volunteer, spend more time with your family and loved ones, take your puppies for more walks, watch an uninterrupted movie or television series, read a book, enjoy the silence and think of it as a reward. It is okay that your life has changed in this way!
10. You will become confident in the one who is for you
Knowing that you have set standards for yourself will help you to appreciate the man that comes along that is for you. He will have the characteristics you like, the lack of baggage that you detest, and the respect of who you are as a person.
Sabrina secured a bachelors degree under the pressures of military life, full time parenting of two, and the stressors of everyday life. She graduated summa cum laude with a GPA of 3.97. She hopes to succeed beyond all peers through the creativeness learned in her studies of criminal justice and encourage proactive rather than a reactive form of applying it. She is passionate about the successful rehabilitation of offenders, yet she is fully knowledgeable and skilled towards computers, radios, satellites and anything that maintains or transmits a signal. These skills she learned as a Signal Support Systems Specialist (25U) in the United States Army. She wants to lead by example so that her children can reach their fullest potential. She thanks God for all of her successes!