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Having a victim mindset will not help me to heal and darn sure does not help me to grow. There are those people who learn from their stories and then there are those who are drowning in their stories. Some people cannot find a way to move on from the hurtful things of their past or deal with the hurtful things that may come their way in life.
Once you begin to look at things from a different perspective rather than, my life is terrible, I hate my life, the world is against me and anything within this low vibrational mindset, you can begin to do what is necessary to be happy despite.
With everything that I have experienced in life and am currently experiencing, I am able to look back over my past and see that I had problems then too. I made it through those problems and here I am today, standing tall, healthy and encouraged. In my past I had no idea how I would make it through, so I stressed about every little thing. Guess what?! I made it through. Was stressing worth it? Is putting my health at risk worth it?
It was only until this year that I begin to change my mindset from being a victim. I feel so much better! I used to share my stories (everyone has one) and it would depress me all over again. I used to play the blame game. So, and so hurt me. So, and so is not a good person. So, and so will get what is coming to them. Why would so and so hurt me? Why me? Why do I keep encountering obstacle after obstacle? What did I do to deserve this? So many questions and thoughts would mentally drain me.
I also had friends that would entertain my victim mindset and would sometimes even bring up my story to me if I was being too positive. Once I noticed that I would distance myself from that friend for a while. This may sound like a mean thing to do but I did not want to be constantly reminded of hurtful things.
Now when those friends bring up those things, I have learned to redirect the conversation. This way I do not have to distance myself. I am healed from my past and anything that comes at me now I know how to center myself and learn from it. Each situation brings its’ own set of emotions but I still know how to bring myself back to a state of gratefulness and understanding of what is taking place around me.
I busy myself with things that make me happy. After all, all we really have is the now. If I find myself deep in thought about problems in life, I make myself snap out of it. One day when you are deep in thought about how terrible things are going in your life, observe how your body feels at that moment. How is your energy? What type of energy are you putting out into the universe at that time? Do you think these emotions will make your situation better or worse? If I am consumed in how terrible my life appears to be going, I will look for more things to add to the list of how terrible my life is. I have socks, but it isn’t the socks that I really want. I have food, but it isn’t the food that I really want. I have a car, but it isn’t the car that I want. This way of thinking takes you out of a state of gratefulness.
The old me would stress, sleep, eat and check out mentally. I did not want to be bothered. I ignored phone calls, knocks at the door, emails, texts and avoided going places where I might run into people who may ask me how I am doing. This person that I am today will feel myself getting down, so I immediately start doing something to bring me back to my happy place. This could be putting on some feel good music, dancing around alone or with my husband and kids, reading, writing, calling up a friend, going to the state parks to spend time in nature, going for a drive or whatever is needed to bring my vibration back up.
No one’s life is clear of obstacles. Because this is a fact, the best thing that we can do for ourselves is to learn to be happy anyway. Some people say, “I will be happy when I get rich”. What if I told you that there are rich people who are very unhappy. I recently read a book by Tony Robbins and he mentioned that there was a guy who was a billionaire and when he loss some money (he was still rich) he committed suicide. We shouldn’t wait until we have this or that to be happy.
Many years ago, I did a program called Mind over Money and I learned so much about my relationship with money. When I had a great flow of money I found myself having bad relationships with friends and family. I spoke over myself that I’d rather have just enough to get by so that I can have peace in my relationships. Because of this I began to subconsciously self-sabotage. I would pass up opportunities. I dimmed my light as I didn’t want to shine so bright to offend anyone.
Being that I had this to work on, it was easy for me to get consumed in problems of my past and do the blame game as to why past partnerships didn’t work out. In this, I can only blame myself, right? I created a lot of my past problems because of where my mind was at the time. I attracted a lot of foolery. 😜I allowed people to treat me all types of ways because of how I felt about myself. I allowed people to get over on me because I felt I would be OK (yea right). I can holler I am a victim all day, but I play a role in a lot of my past situations. See, we have more control over our happiness than we think.
Today I can see all of this clearly and it all makes perfect sense. While going through the things I have experienced I put so much fault on others. Some situations were fault of others and unfortunate, but I also played a role in many of my past situations. Being a “victim” made me vulnerable and naive.
Instead of falling victim to my circumstances I now observe what is going on and take a good look at myself and how I play a role in it. I also look for ways for me to help myself. I ask myself, “what can I do now to make this better or to make sure it will not happen again?” Instead of doing the blame game or being consumed in the low vibration emotions, I acknowledge how I feel and look for a way to make it better.
As I look at those who fell out with me over money I must take responsibility for my part in enabling them by always coming to the rescue even when I couldn’t afford it. I didn’t know how to say no. I felt obligated and put myself last for those who didn’t appreciate me. They treated me like I owed it to them. I allowed that treatment by giving in every time something was needed or requested. I allowed them to disrespect me time and time again and I would still give because I felt pressured. I have learned how to say no, or I have other obligations. I have so much more respect now from those individuals. At first, they didn’t like it (of course) but I put my foot down and conquered the situation.
What about those people who have hurt you? They have moved on with their lives. We must find a way to forgive them and ourselves. Quit beating yourself up about what you should’ve, could’ve done. There isn’t anything that can be changed about it so there is no need to allow this heavy weight to carry on with you for the rest of your life. Take the steps to heal.
Some techniques that I use to heal are cord cutting, visualization, meditation, positive affirmations and spending time in nature. I will talk more in depth about these techniques in another blog post.
Take back control of your life. You are not a victim. Get out of the victim mindset as it is an anchor. It keeps you down. Every time you revisit that situation in your mind it can cause you to become angry, stagnant and depressed. Get to a place where when you think about the situation you have a peace within you so that you do not fall victim to your circumstances.
You are not a victim, you are more than a conqueror!
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