Why People Pleasing Is Unhealthy

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There was a girl who was very creative. She spent a lot of time alone as a child and her mind would take her to places she could not explain to her social circle or family.

She chose to hide a huge part of herself as she wanted to appear to be as normal as possible. She wore clothes that did not attract attention. Her hairstyles were basic as she carefully selected them so that she would not stand out.

She catered to others and redirected conversations that put her on the spot so that she would not have to talk much about herself.

She perfected this way of existing and before you know it she began to feel as if something was missing. How long can a person go keeping a huge part of who they are under wraps from a judgemental society? She processed differently so she felt noone could ever see her perspective. Her opinions were ‘to out there and crazy‘.

Depression soon followed as she continued to be what she thought others needed her to be.

She worked jobs that were acceptable by her loved ones. She lived in a location that was suffocating her as her family wanted her near. She attempted to move and eventually went on a guilt trip because she left people who needed her.

She reached the age of thirty and knew in her soul that change was necessary. Her life was now on autopilot as she made herself available for all who needed her. She was not always up to par to wear the hats that she sometimes had to but she did it because she wanted to please others. She wanted to be the one to bring joy to others but in that she did not maintain her joy and peace. She got lost.

That girl is now thirty-three and she is me. The continuance of people pleasing into my adulthood became a hindrance to my growth. I felt afraid to jump for my dreams because it may not be accepted. I felt afraid to share my goals as the energy I received from some screamed “you are crazy to ever think you can do that.” “Who do you think you are?”

I passed up opportunities to keep the peace. I would tell myself not to appear successful because I did not want to attract any attention from those that I was so concerned about their opinions.

If you are a people pleaser then this blog post is for you. I have lived the majority of my life pleasing others, hiding and dimming my shine. I sometimes still battle with shining my light. My inner chat is not always where it should be but when this begins to happen you must pull yourself out that state of mind.

My inner chat sometimes goes like this:

  1. You are not capable.

  2. Some of my loved ones will make things harder for me as I expand.

  3. More money more problems.

  4. I do not want to appear smarter in any way.

  5. What if I do not know all the answers?

  6. What if I embarrass myself?

  7. What if my family was right?

  8. What if I don’t have enough money?

I can go on and on.

As I dug deeper into myself I discovered that I have a purpose and there is no way that I can fulfill that by imprisoning myself in what others may think. This is mental prison. Others can not benefit from the effects you will have on the world if you are busy holding yourself captive by determining your moves based on the opinions of people whom are living life stuck in their ego (fear) so they deter you from making any moves outside of their own understanding.

Do you simply accept something you are uncomfortable with? People deal with ‘different’ and ‘change’ in their own way. Let’s not forget to mention that they too have inner chat so you never know where their emotions are coming from.

You can make every decision based on someones approval and I can assure you they will find something else that you can change or do better.

You must stop looking outward for approval and do what you are called to do. Find your purpose and place of peace. Here is where your happiness lies.

Their are people in the world waiting on you to shine. Noone can reach them like you can. Judgmental people will be in your path. People will have their opinions of what you should be doing but the truth is, you don’t need anyone to tell you that. You have that answer within you.

Take a moment to sit quietly and breathe. Think about what makes you happy. Think about your talents. Think about what you enjoyed doing as a child. Are you doing what brings you joy? Are you doing what you want to do and not what others think is best?

If you want to have inner peace and fulfill your dreams, you must learn how to shine no matter what anyone thinks. I promise you, you will thank yourself for not giving a flip flop!


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