Are you someone who loves to help others? That is me wholeheartedly. If we are not careful, we can find ourselves helping TOO much. How can you help someone too much? By losing yourself in a person who is not trying to take the steps to help themselves.
I always see the best in people. Once I learn someone’s talents, my mind begins to think of all the ways they can utilize that talent to live the life they desire as well as help other people through their gift. I used to be quick to share these thoughts with individuals, but I quickly learned that my bombarding them with my visions did not help at all. Sometimes what we see in others they cannot see in themselves. We are looking at them from the outside and we do not have their thoughts and have not lived their life so what we see is different from what they may see.
I will ask questions to see where the person is at and if the energy/vibe is right, I may say a few things that is on my mind when it comes to their talents. I will ask questions like, “have you every thought about going to the American Idol”? Questions like this have planted fear in individuals who are subconsciously scared to death to come out of their situations. They want change, but change is also scary. It is so scary that they sometimes choose to stay in the situation because they at least know what that feels like – “comfort zone”.
You have those who will take the steps to change their circumstances and unfortunately you have those who will sit back and watch you do all the work and worrying. I do not know if they purposely do this or not and I do not wreck my brain about it anymore, however, the fact is they are sitting back and not putting as much or more work in for themselves as you are for them.
There are many who reach out to me and say they want to do this or that and want to know if I could assist them by guiding them and being a support system. I love, love, love to do this. In doing so I have had experiences where someone would contact me, and we would get the ball rolling but the only person that seems to be making progress towards their goals was me. I found myself searching day in and day out for resources for them. Sending message after message and link after link of information that is in alignment with what it is the person said they wanted to accomplish. Sometimes I send articles. Sometimes these ladies or gentlemen would ask me to explain the article -and this is fine- but they wouldn’t read it themselves.
We are supposed to help each other but we are not supposed to live other people’s lives for them. We are supposed to HELP. If you don’t want to read an article in your niche that is teaching you how to start the business you say you want to start, then that makes me wonder if you really want to achieve your goals after all. See, my life matters too. Whether you have a busy schedule like myself or not, we do not have time on this earth to waste achieving other people’s goals for them. I can’t sing the song for you if you are the one gifted with the voice. There is only so much I can possibly do. They either want it or they do not. We should not have to beg someone to read an article that can better them or attend FREE events that can help them achieve their goals. We should not have to beg someone to get out of bed early to jump on their goals or beg them to take any steps at all.
There comes a time when you must recognize things for what it is and take your hands off the situation. This is not to say that you should be mean in any way to that person or cut them off completely. I am saying that you should be wise in these kinds of situations because if you do not it can consume you-it happened to me a few times.
I do check ins for accountability on those whom I am helping. If I ask someone did they do something, and they always have a reason as to why they could not or did not, this is a big red flag to me. Everyone can find time in their day – even it is just five minutes- to work on something pertaining to their goals. You may need to get up a little earlier or go to bed a little later, but everyone can make time in their day to work towards their goals.
I am a mother of four, a wife, an entrepreneur and my time to work on my business is very limited. I must write my blog posts sometimes with chaos all around me. I have had my days of where my kids have deleted my hard work and have drawn squiggles on my important paperwork. When my husband comes home I must help him in anyway that I can as he has had a very long day. Sometimes I can’t make it to events because I do not have a sitter or must accommodate my husband and kids schedules with appointments, etc. Sometimes I can’t afford to attend things that many people invite me too because I have other obligations, so I can’t be present when they are looking forward to seeing me.
These are just some of the things that take place in my life. I could use them as an excuse not to do something towards my goals, but my passion and drive will not let me do that. I have a very clear vision and most of all I genuinely LOVE what I do. I look forward to getting up everyday and doing what it is I do. I love helping others.
One must pay attention to the signs when you are trying to help someone who will not put in work to help themselves.
So how do I go about backing away from these individuals? I just back away. Point, blank, period. These individuals have never asked me why because the truth is they know exactly why – within. These people still contact me to ask me how I am doing but they have stopped asking for my assistance on their own. Your time is precious. You have the right to treat it as such!